i permit you to call me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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