I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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