This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
