He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
