All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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