Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
