how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
