Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
