now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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