it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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