I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
