I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
