What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
