When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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