That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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