The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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