Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
