I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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