and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
