Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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