found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
