My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm passing your future prison.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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