You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
