Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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