The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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