I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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