Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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