Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
