my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
