Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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