I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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