Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
