I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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