Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
