i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
