I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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