If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
