It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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