Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
