She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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