hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
