So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
