i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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