carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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