he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
