you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
