When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize