I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
