I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
How external is "for external use only"?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
