he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I party with great urgency now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
