dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
