oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
