Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
