Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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